Once survival mode is over and we accept the loss, it’s time to break the shell and grow.
I felt I was reborn. Same body , same soul , however with a new experience – “loss”
The metamorphosis had begun and the butterfly was ready to fly .
The questions I woke up with were:
Who Am I
What am I
Why Am I
This was even more challenging than death itself . A chapter of my life got over .The ending being: a part of me completely vanished. I saw myself disintegrating ,my very being dissipating in front of me. I was melting and before I evaporated I had to answer the above questions. I truly believe that the journey of life entails constant evolving. Thus began the quest to search for answers. This involved reading books on self help ,questioning spirituality, giving up a few people and walking away from the drama of life. All this to get my answers and to rediscover me .
The need for designer wear and a fancy lifestyle no longer mattered.The quality of people in my life was more important than quantity. I purged , cried, fought with myself and then it happened. The real me emerged .The three questions were finally answered.
All this was so new . In mid 40’s ,I learnt to respect, love and pamper myself. Hence began the love affair with myself. ( This will continue till the day I cross over.)
There were moments where I sat and screamed my guts out as I missed her so.
However it was during this journey she became more and more a part of my life. She became my mentor , my guide and my guardian. She watched over me like an angel.
As Thich Nhat Hanh said”I understood then that the idea of having lost my mother was just an idea. It was obvious in that moment that my mother is always alive in me”
Happiness and peace to all